This is it....

I have started this post three times already!  I don't know how to get out what I want to say!  I hate it when that happens, so I've decided, this is it...whatever makes it onto this post it what will make it to the blog!

I'm sure all moms who work full time struggle with this at some point:  Is this all worth it?  Is the constant stress my husband feels everymorning getting the kids ready by himself worth it?  Is the stress I feel everyday going to work worth it?  Is my absence from my kids' life worth it? 

I feel like my life is on fast forward.  Everything is a rush.  Rush to work, rush home from work, rush to soccer, rush to dinner, rush to clean the house, rush to bed....rush, rush, rush.  Would I even know what to do if I didn't have to rush so much?

I've been taking a class offered by my church called - Experiencing God.  What a profound study!  Truly amazing!  You should take it as soon as you can - it has truly opened my eyes.  As I've been doing this study for the last 5 weeks, something is going on deep inside.  God is changing me - preparing me - softening me for something.  I'm not sure what yet, but I can feel it - something is coming.

This class has been impacting me from the very first week when I learned that for years I have been asking, "What is God's will for my life?".  I couldn't believe it!  I should be asking, "What is God's will?"  The answer is to redeem a lost world back to Himself. Everything God does is for this purpose. 

How do I know something is coming?  I have a friend who recently adopted a special needs child from China.  While I have known for a long while now that this was happening, I had no desire to read her "blog" about her journey - until she had already left for China.  Then....I became glued to her blog.  I would check it first thing in the morning, before I left my bed.  IT would go like this....alarm rings, snooze is pressed, facebook is opened so I could find the link to her blog.  I was consumed by it.  Then, when she had not posted anything new, I would take the time to start reading from the beginning - a year and a half ago at the least.  As I was reading from her blog, I found the website where she ended up finding her son on....so I went to it and started looking at the children.  WHAT???  Then, I started looking at the older children and saw that some of them have said they were scarred becasue they didn't think they would get adopted becasue they were older.  My heart aches for these children.  Truly aches becasue I know what it is like to have a parent who doesn't want you. 

I don't know what is going on - but it is something and I know it is coming.